Happy Birthday to me.
Today I’m enjoying the final hours of being 36 years old. My Spotify wrapped didn't fully capture my year so let me catch you up real quick. And hi there, thanks for being here. :)
In the last year, I, Damaly:
Was paid for my writing
Quit and recommitted to my dreams 247 times
Watched 439 calming videos on YouTube in hopes of resetting my nervous
Let myself cry when I wanted to cry 68% of the time up from 6% in previous years
Read 14 books to help me better understand communication, relationships, and family dynamics
Watched every housewife show in the bravouniverse (sometimes twice)
Filled 2 ½ journals
Tried 4 new recipes and improved on old dishes
Spent 470 hours on the phone with my friends
Improved my self-care routines by 46%
Held 11 uncomfortable silences after speaking up for myself and setting new boundaries
Wrote, a lot, all kinds of things. Songs, poetry, articles, short stories
Helped a few dozen people see themselves that much clearer
Grieved people, dreams, and alternate realities.
Paid acute attention to the tone of voices in my head. Recognizing more and more how harsh it can be at times.
Tried to forgive myself dozens of times and allowed myself to here and there. (Up from never in previous years)
Recognized my presence as worthy and withdrew it from spaces that didn't honor it as such
Loved on my younger selves and had more conversations with them than ever
Used my planner. One of the biggest wins honestly.
I learned that:
I’m the person responsible for making my life better
I’m not always as vulnerable as I think I am.
I can have complicated feelings about the people who raised me. Being critical does not instantly equal hatred or ungratefulness
I get to spend as much time as I want thinking and planning for myself.
Sleeping alone is blissful af
My best things come when I let myself be silent
Cherish the people who want to know how you want to be loved
I can dream bigger and dream without the constraints of our current reality because that's the point of it being a dream
I can gentle parent my inner selves and give myself the kindness I would long for from other people
My hypervigilance isn't always correct. Sometimes my perception isn’t fact and life is a bit easier when I clarify
It's ok that I didn't fit into some spaces. They were not for me. It wasnt my job to make it fit, it was my job to release what was never mine and go find what is.
Capitalism, even as I participate, will not save me. Love, empathy, and community can
Fighting for love and acceptance is a complete turnoff for me. This doesn't equal no conflict but I am also finished trying to prove that you should see who I am. Whether you do or don’t is up to you and I’ll navigate accordingly.
Let myself be loved in ways that made me feel soft and vulnerable and tried to rewire the sensors that say it’s better to pretend you’re ok when you're not.
I get overwhelmed and it makes everything 40x harder
A lot of things take over me when I feel overwhelmed by my emotions
How to slow that down by paying attention to and naming what I’m feeling and trying to let myself feel them
I’m better than my first draft but not if I don't let others see that and give me feedback to make it better
Boundaries strengthen relationships, a big shift in my inner belief that said boundaries will make
Next year I hope to:
Do more things that force me to act without knowing the outcome or why
Love deeply and without restraint regardless of if it will be reciprocated or not (Thank you Amber)
Give myself the best seat, the best plate, the best thought, the best planning, the best care
Let myself go where the wind will take me
Write more things that I love
Share things and normalize feedback
And to let the folks who want to have a front-row seat do just there. Here on my blog.
Hello! What have you learned? Or what are you hoping for? Comment below. <3
If you enjoy my writing and would like to see more please consider contributing to my work by sending me a tip. Venmo username: @Damaly-S
Thank you!